Waiting on Miracles
by sconroy36
Summary: Meredith comes home to her friends in Seattle after finding out about her disease. She thinks that there is no hope in saving her life. Of course her friends refuse to allow her to give up. They inlist the help of the head neurosurgeon at Seattle Grace.
1. Chapter 1

Before I posted this new story I wanted to give everyone a little information.

Meredith comes home to her friends in Seattle after finding out about her disease. She thinks that there is no hope in saving her life. Of course her friends refuse to allow her to give up. They inlist the help of the head neurosurgeon at Seattle Grace. Will he be able to save her life? Or will she succomb to her disease before they have a chance to experience true happiness? Mer/Der

Christina, Alex, George and Izzy are all residents at Seattle Grace Hospital.

Meredith is a resident in New York at Mount Sinai.

They have all been best friends since grade school.

Meredith didn't go to Seattle to do her internship for the simple fact that everyone knew her mother.

I haven't decided on relationships for the other characters. So that is still up in the air.

This is a Mer/Der fanfic.

Derek was never married to Addison.

He lives in his trailer and of course Mark is his best friend.

IF you have any questions feel free to ask...


	2. The Famous Four

A/N: I was going to wait until I finished my other story to publish this one. Unfortunately I am very excited about this story. So I guess I will have to write both of them for now. Okay so this story is A/U. Derek and Meredith have never met. Keep that in mind. Also if you have any questions ask.

Please read and review

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy

Derek finished off the last chart on his desk. He was ready to go home to his trailer. It never got old going to his peace of wilderness. He laughed at the word. Mark Sloan his best friend didn't understand how Derek could feel at peace at a place were he was totally alone. Derek liked being alone especially since all the women he met cared only for material possessions.

He was interrupted from his thoughts when he heard the knock on the door.

"Come in" he groaned. Hoping that it wasn't Richard wanting a consult on another surgery.

He was surprised to see Christina, Alex, Izzy and George all crowd into his office. The famous four of the hospital who always seemed to have something up their sleeves. They were a fine group of residents though sometimes a little to confident in their selves.

"What's going on?" he asked.

Christina was the first to speak. "We need your help" she said.

Derek looked at the residents. He could tell that they had a hint of sadness in their eyes.

"With what?" he asked.

Alex walked over to the desk. "Listen, we know that you are the best neurosurgeon. There is no doubt in all of our minds. What you do with your hands is amazing." he said.

"Thank you" Derek was still a little confused.

Izzy was the next to start talking. "Our best friend since grade school lives in New York." Izzy wanted to finish her sentence. She wanted to tell Dr. Shepherd that her friend needed help. That he was the only one who could help her. The words wouldn't come out of her mouth.

Derek finally realized what they were trying to do. "Listen, I appreciate everything that you guys have said. I'm not exactly the blind date kind of guy" he smiled.

George looked at his friends. He tried not to smile. Though the way they handled talking to Dr. Shepherd was a little funny. "Were not here to set you up with our friend. We actually would you like you to meet our friend. Though it has nothing to do with any kind of dating. You see our friend is a resident in New York. Recently she was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic melanoma that has spread to her brain, liver and skin. The surgeon in New York thinks that it's to risky to remove it from the brain. She came to Seattle the other night...." George wiped his eyes. He couldn't finish his sentence.

Christina stepped up touching George's arm. "It's okay" she smiled.

"She came to tell her goodbyes. She doesn't know that we are talking to you. Though we told her all about you. She thinks that you will say the exact words as the doctor's in New York. We need you to take a look her chart." they didn't know what else to do.

Derek looked at the ex-ray that was on his desk.

"Look she doesn't want to fight this. She's had a hard life. Her mother died of Alzheimer's last year. She wasn't what you call the best mother in the world. She constantly put her down. Telling her that she wasn't good enough. That she was ordinary. She thinks that she deserves this illness. She is always saying that when everything is going well in her life something sneaks up to destroy her happiness. We want to prove to her that she is wrong. That she is going to live a long happy life." Alex knew she deserved to have a long happy life.

"She's the thread that holds us all together. Especially when we are all ready to give up. She's the one who pushes us to continue the fight. We want to be the ones who pushes her to continue this fight. The fight that could save her life." Izzy cried.

Derek looked at the group standing in front of him. "I may be able to help. It's not going to be easy and she definitely needs the will to fight. Without that she may not even survive the surgery."

"You can remove the tumor?" Christina breathed a sigh of relief.

"I think so. Once again though she will have to be the one to agree to the surgery. Does she have a husband?" he asked.

"No" George spoke having the first gleam of hope in his eyes.

"I would like a chance to sit down and talk to her. I want you four to understand that this is a huge surgery. Also understand that I am not one hundred percent certain that I can remove the whole tumor. Is she still in town?"

"Yes" Alex smiled.

"Could you come by for dinner tonight. It would give you a chance to meet her and discuss this surgery?" Izzy asked.

"You have to tell her who I am before I come over. I do not think she needs any surprises right now." Derek said.

Christina looked at Izzy. She could of smacked her for inviting Derek this evening. It wouldn't give them a lot of time to convince Meredith to have the surgery. Meredith had already given up and she knew her person. Once she made her mind up it wasn't easy to persuade her to change it. "I will talk to her."

"How much time will she have without the surgery?" Alex asked. Meredith told him that she could have a year or more. Though he wanted to believe her he was hesitant. Especially when he found her this morning going through her will. She wanted to have everything in place.

Derek looked at the chart. "Not long" he sighed. He felt sympathy for the surgeons standing in front of him. Though he didn't socialize a lot with them. He knew the pain of losing the ones you love. It was an all to familiar pain.

George took a deep breath. "Meredith deserves to have a long life" he looked at Izzy.

Izzy shook her head. They had to convince Meredith to have the surgery. There was no way she could let her friend leave this world. Not when she was the rock of their circle.

"Thanks Dr. Shepherd" Christina motioned for the door.

They all walked toward the door.

"The worst you four can do is give up hope. I know that you tell patients family's not to give up hope. You have to do the same. If she thinks that there is no hope. She'll never agree to the surgery. Trust me when I say that I think I will be able to get the whole tumor" he believed that they needed a dose of faith. Faith that he could save their friend.

"Thanks" Alex smiled as they walked out.

Mark waited until the last of the famous four rounded the corner. He waisted no time barging into Derek's office.

"Most people knock when they enter an office" Derek sniped at his best friend.

"What was that about?" he asked.

"What are you talking about?" Derek tried to act like he didn't know what he was talking about.\

"Don't do that" Mark yelled.

"Do what?" Derek knew he was frustrating his friend.

"It's not everyday I see four residents leave your office. They didn't look right either. Did you yell at them for something. The way they looked I could of swore they lost their best friend" Mark didn't realize how close to the truth he was.

"What would you do if something happened to me?" Derek asked.

Mark looked at his best friend. "What?"

"I was just curious"

"Nothing will ever happen to you. You live in the wilderness the most that you have to worry about are the bears" Mark laughed.

"Their friend has stage four metastatic melanoma. It's spread to her brain" Derek leaned back into his chair.

Mark sat down on the couch. "Wow" he shook his head.

"I guess no other surgeon wants to touch it"

"That's why they came to you?" he asked.

"Yes"

"What are you going to do?"

"I am going to remove it"

"Derek do you think it's such a good idea? What if something happens. They will hate you"

"I think that I can get it"

"If you don't?"

"She will die if she doesn't have the surgery"

"They are not called the famous four for no reason" Mark warned.

"Trust me she needs this surgery. I am going over for dinner tonight. I guess she has all but given up hope"

"Do you need me to go with you?"

"I should do this alone"

"Let me know if you need anything"

Mark shook head once again before leaving Derek's office.

Derek looked back down at the chart lying on his desk. This would be one difficult surgery. As a result of the location the tumor would be hard to remove. He only hoped that he could remove it without complications. The look on the young surgeons faces spoke more than all of the words that had actually left their mouths. He was looking forward to meeting the woman that could cause such grief and sadness.

A/N: Okay so don't forget to leave a feedback. Let me know what you think about this new story. I hope everyone enjoys it.


	3. fun and games

Derek reached into his pocket. Pulling out the paper that Izzy scribbled the address on he smiled when he realized that he found the right house. He climbed out of the car and walked up the side walk.

He could hear commotion coming from inside of the house.

As he looked back at his car trying to figure out if it was best to make this visit.

He heard the front door open and a woman run out of the house.

She was laughing as Alex chased her into the yard.

"I told you not to do it Meredith." Alex laughed carrying a jug of water.

"You are going to pour that on me? I am sick Alex" she laughed.

Derek couldn't take his eyes off of the woman standing in front of Alex.

She was laughing as if there was nothing wrong with her.

As if the tumor that was pressing against her brain was nothing to worry about.

He felt his lips curve into a smile when he realized how extraordinary she looked in those cut off jeans.

"Come on Mer it's your turn" Alex stepped closer.

"Alex put the water away. Did you notice Dr. Shepherd standing behind you?" Izzy asked walking onto the porch.

She smiled at Derek. "Thanks for coming" Izzy walked toward him.

"No problem" Derek smiled his eyes still on Meredith.

Meredith looked away from Alex. Her eyes fell onto the man standing beside Izzy.

While her eyes were on Derek, Alex poured the water over her head.

"Alex" she yelled as she continued to laugh.

Derek couldn't help the laughter that came out of his mouth.

"I told you not to bother me" Alex joked.

"I need to change clothes" Meredith stepped around Alex and walked into the house.

Derek shook his head as she walked away. She was definitely different than the women around Seattle.

She had a spark in her eyes that caused a man to want to stare into them forever.

"That was Meredith" Izzy smiled as she looked over at Alex.

Alex walked over to stand next to Izzy.

"Nice job Alex" Izzy slapped his arm.

"What?" he asked.

"Christina and I were trying to talk with her about the surgery" she yelled.

"I know and for that I am sorry" he knew that they needed to talk to her. He couldn't help but to chase her after she poured the first glass of water on him.

"There is a reason why she did that to you." Izzy looked upset.

"What are you talking about"

"You are the only one who would chase after her. The only one of us who would rather goof off than to talk about what's important. Alex we need to concentrate on getting her the help she needs. If we can get her help there will be plenty of time for fun and games" Izzy didn't want to sound mean. She knew that it was the only way to talk some since into Meredith's head.

"Listen, we can talk to her at dinner" Derek offered his help. One look at the woman and he was already convinced that she had to have the surgery. He couldn't go without looking into those eyes.

"You will help talk to her?" Alex asked.

"Yes" Derek answered as they walked into the house.

Meredith walked down stairs with towel in hand. She didn't plan on drenching Alex earlier. She just needed to stop talking about the stupid tumor in her head.

The tumor that was causing her to make sure that her will was in place.

To make sure that Izzy, George, Alex and Christina would be able to live in this house when she was gone.

"Hey" Christina stood at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hey" Meredith tried to smile. It was hard to act happy around her friends. Especially when she kept thinking about having to leave them so soon.

"Dinner is ready"

"Okay" Meredith said as she took the last step.

They walked into the dinning room and once again Meredith's eyes fell on the hot neurosurgeon.

She could totally picture herself picking this stranger up at a bar.

Laughter over took her as she sat down at the table.

"What's so funny?" George asked.

"Nothing" she blushed.

"Meredith Grey doesn't laugh for no reason" Alex said.

"Fine if you really want to know. I was thinking that Dr. Shepherd is someone I would have brought home from the bar. I could totally picture meeting him and waking up the next day wondering what happened to my underwear" she teased looking at Dr. Shepherd.

Derek started laughing with everyone at the table. He was right to assume that she was different. No other woman would dare say such a thing to anyone.

"With that said shall we eat?" Alex asked interrupting the laughter.

"Yes" Izzy smiled as she passed the potatoes around the table.

Conversation remained light as they all ate their dinner.

Meredith knew what was coming. She knew why they asked Dr. Shepherd to join them for dinner.

The question on her mind was how they planned to bring it up.

Derek cleared his plate and looked up at the amazing woman sitting across from him. While he ate he kept stealing glances her way.

"Meredith we showed Derek all of your scans today." Christina sat her glass down on the table. She needed to get Meredith talked into this surgery. Every minute that they sat in silence was precious to her person.

Meredith looked at Christina. "Let me guess what he had to say. It's in an impossible location. There would be no guarantee that all of it would be removed. If he was able to remove it, that of course being a big "if". There's no guarantee that I would ever be the same." she looked up at Dr. Shepherd.

"I think that I can get it all out" Derek wanted to let her know he was capable of removing her tumor. He wanted to put the light back into her eyes.

"Let me get this straight. I talked to several different neurosurgeons. All of who said there was no possible way to get it out. What makes you different?" she asked. Meredith was getting ready to start her fellowship in neuro. Though she wasn't as talented as the man sitting across from her she knew that removing the tumor would be difficult if not impossible.

Derek looked at her. He smiled his best smile. "That's a simple answer. I know that I can remove the tumor because I am the best."

"It seems to me that you have a God complex" she rolled her eyes. She had met plenty of men like Dr. Shepherd in New York. They were the men who thought they could do anything.

"It's not a complex. I am an excellent surgeon" he shrugged his shoulders.

"Meredith he's willing to do the surgery" Izzy couldn't understand why Meredith was undermining Dr. Shepherd."

"I don't want to have this surgery. Not if I may never be the same. I may never wake up from this surgery. I think it's best if I live what time I have left with all of you." she looked at all of her friends.

"Why don't you tell us how long that is Meredith" George yelled slamming his glass on the table.

Meredith didn't want to tell them she could only have months left. She knew that if she lied Dr. Shepherd would let them know.

"Yes tell them how long you have" Derek smirked.

Meredith climbed out of her chair. "The way I see it. This has nothing to do with you. Since when do Doctors make house calls?" she looked around at her friends. "We are all surgeons how often have any of you made a visit to the patients house?" she asked.

"Your friends care about you" Derek spoke up.

"I know that they care. I love them all they are my family. That doesn't answer my question."

"I came here to talk with you about the surgery. These friends of yours thought that you would be relieved to find someone to do the surgery"

"I need some air" Meredith turned and left the table.

Derek waited until she left the table. He stood up and looked at her friends. "Let me talk to her" he didn't give them the time to reject him.

"There you are" Derek found Meredith sitting under a tree in the back yard.

Meredith looked up. "They sent you out?" she laughed.

"The mood swings are normal. You know with that tumor pushing up against your brain." he sat down next to her.

"They told you I was having mood swings?" she asked.

"No you just did" he laughed.

"I was never the best at keeping secrets." she shrugged her shoulder.

"I know this is a scary time for you" he couldn't imagine going through something like this.

"Why are you being so nice?" she asked.

"I like you" he smiled.

"I'm scared" she admitted. She wanted to tell her friends that for the last two days.

She couldn't let them know how scared she was. Not when they were counting on her to be strong.

"I know" he smiled.

"It's not that I don't want to have the surgery. You probably think that I am suicidal." she teased.

"I'm not passing judgment."

"You wouldn't hesitate to have this surgery?" she asked.

"We are not talking about me. I would like you to have the surgery"

"Why so you can gain some publicity?" she asked.

"I want you to stick around. You know for a long time"

"Why?" she asked.

"I am someone that you could learn to love" he looked at her.

Meredith was taken back by his words. "There's that God complex once again" she teased.

"We just met and already I haven't been able to take my eyes off of you" he said.

"Probably because your excited to get inside my head" she laughed.

Derek laughed at her joke. He wished that he didn't have to get into her head. That it was all a mistake and that instead of meeting like this they could have met at a bar. Maybe in a different universe they would have met in a bar. He would have charmed her off of her feet.

"Will you have this surgery?" he asked.

Meredith looked out over the back yard. "I never played here as a child" she changed the subject.

Derek realized she wasn't ready to commit to the surgery. "Did you grow up here?"

"This is my mother's house" she smiled.

"They told me about your mom"

"If they told you I assume it wasn't nice. You know she was a surgeon as well"

"Really"

"Dr. Ellis Grey" she laughed.

"That was your mom?" he asked.

"The one and only"

"Is that why you became a surgeon"

"She didn't think I could do it. So of course I had to prove her wrong" her mother never believed in her.

"Come into the hospital tomorrow. Let me run some tests and do another scan of that brain of yours" he said changing the subject back.

Meredith leaned back against the tree. The stress from the day finally wearing a toll on herself.

Derek looked over at her. He could tell that she was tired.

"So?" he asked.

Meredith slowly fell asleep.

Derek gently picked her up off the ground. He wasn't surprised that she weighed next to nothing.

Christina held open the door as Derek carried in the sleeping Meredith.

"She fell asleep?" she asked.

"Yes" he said carrying her into the house.

Christina followed him into the living room. She cleaned off the couch so he could lay her down.

Everyone stood waiting for Derek to talk.

"I want her to come into the hospital tomorrow. We can take some blood and run another scan" he said as he stood looking at Meredith's friends.

"We'll try" Alex knew that it was going to be hard to get her to the hospital.

"Try hard" Derek needed to get the tests ran. It wasn't smart to delay the treatments.

"Okay" Christina would get her to the hospital.

"I'll see all of you tomorrow" Derek took one last look at Meredith. He smiled at how peaceful she looked. He had only just met her and already he was hooked on her beauty.

Izzy walked Derek to the door. "She's something isn't she?" she could tell that Meredith had already made an impact on his heart.

"That she is" he nodded his head.

"Thanks Dr. Shepherd"

"It's time you all called me Derek" he smiled as he walked onto the porch.

"Goodnight" Izzy smiled as she closed the door.


	4. Postit

A/N: Thanks for the wonderful reviews. I want to make note that Meredith will not die in this fanfic. Derek already realizes his feelings for Meredith. She may take awhile to get to the same conclusion. With the illness she doesn't think that she needs any distractions right now. As always read and review.

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or the characters

Derek walked off the elevator. He was feeling extremely tired this morning.

He had a difficult time getting Meredith out of his head last night.

Every so often he would climb out of bed to look over her scans.

If she didn't want to fight this he would have no choice but to grant her wish.

It didn't mean he wouldn't stop seeing her.

No she was definitely one woman that he wouldn't be able to give up on.

As he walked to his office he noticed someone sitting on the chair.

"Meredith" he pulled his key from his pocket.

"I'm early" she stood up from her chair.

"I like punctuality" he didn't want to make her feel unwelcome. She was definitely welcomed in his life.

He held the door open as she walked into his office.

"Have a seat" he pointed to the couch. He walked over and grabbed the chair next to his desk.

"There has to be rules" she broke the silence that filled the air.

"Rules?" he asked.

"If you are going to be my doctor" she answered.

"Okay so these rules will you be making them?" he teased.

"Yes" she pulled out the blue post-it note.

"Rule number one. I will agree to have the necessary test done today. It doesn't mean that I am having the surgery" she started.

"Okay that's fair" he felt a sigh of relief. She was at least willing to have the scans and blood work done.

"Rule number two. I want to be involved. That means when you get the results I get to look over them with you. Since I am a resident that shouldn't be a problem." she needed the practice.

"Okay" he liked that rule. It would give him a chance to spend time with her.

"Rule number three. I get to decide what my friends know of my condition. They do not get to know what I don't think they need to know" she didn't want her friends to have too much on their plate.

"Okay" he said.

"Rule number four. You are not allowed to say anything to Richard Webber. Not until I decide whether or not to have the surgery." She wiped the hair that had fallen in her eyes.

"Why?" he was stumped on that one.

"That would lead me to rule number five. If I want you to know something from my personal life I will tell you. No questioning my reasons."

"Okay" he wanted to know everything about her life. He wouldn't pry though he would get to know her.

Meredith handed him the post-it. "You can keep this so you don't forget the rules" she smiled.

Derek took the post-it. He felt the heat from her finger tips.

"Actually I have a rule" Derek grabbed a pen and a piece of paper from his desk.

"You don't get to make rules"

"This one I do"

"Okay" she laughed.

"Rule number one. You must have lunch with me when your here to look over results" he said as he wrote down the rule.

She laughed at his rule. "Why?" she asked.

"I need a friend" he smiled.

"We can not be friends"

"Why can't we be friends?" he asked.

"Your my doctor" she teased.

"Even a doctor needs a friend" he wouldn't let his rule get broken.

"Fine I will have lunch with you."

"Starting today" he emphasized.

"It's not lunch time" she looked at the clock it was only eight in the morning.

"You have to get the scans and blood work done. You'll be here for lunch" he would make sure of it.

"Okay fine lunch with Dr. Shepherd"

"Which leads me to rule number two. You have to call me Derek" he wrote his second rule on the paper.

"Seriously" she laughed.

"Yes seriously"

"Derek" she let his name roll off of her tongue.

Derek handed her the paper. "Don't lose or forget my rules" he teased.

Meredith stood to leave. "Thanks Derek"

"Your welcome Meredith"

She walked to the door.

"Meredith"

"Yes"

"You have the most intoxicating smell. Some kind of flowers" he said walking up to her.

"It's my shampoo. Rule number six. No flirting with me" she said.

"It's to late to add rules Meredith. I already have the post-it. Plus I flirt with all of my patients not just you." he smiled.

"Sure you do"

"I do it keeps them on their toes"

"Here I thought I was special" she left his office before he could respond.

Derek shook his head. Of course she was special. There wasn't a single woman that could make his heart flutter from a conversation. He looked down at the post-it and noticed her signature on the paper. He couldn't stop the laughter that built up in his throat.

"What's so funny and who was that babe that left your office? Have you been holding out on me Shep?" Mark asked when he walked into Derek's office.

"Do you have an office?" Derek asked as Mark plopped down on the couch.

"I don't have a couch" Mark pouted.

"That was one of my patients" Derek walked over to his desk.

"I wish my patients looked like that" Mark teased.  
"I'm sure you do"

"What's wrong with her brain?"

"She is the friend of the famous four" Derek grabbed the chart off of his desk.

"Seriously?"

"Yes" he walked to his door.

"Well, I have a surgery. Lunch today?" Mark asked as they walked out of the office.

"Not today already have plans" Derek couldn't wait to have lunch with Meredith.

"Talk to you later then" Mark said walking in the opposite direction.


	5. lunch time

a/n: Sorry for the delay I just returned from vacation. Here is a filler chapter to get everyone ready for the next update. I promise to have regular updates on this story. I am not certain the direction of the relationship between Derek and Meredith as of right now. I want to put them together but I don't want to rush into it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's anatomy or the characters..

Derek looked at the results that he held in his hand. He shook his head frustrated at the results. For the first time in his career he was doubting himself. It wasn't the first time that something like this had happened. It was the first time though that he wished it had been different.

That somehow the outcome would have been somewhat pleasant.

He put the results on his desk when he heard the knock at his door.

"Come in" he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Hey" Meredith walked into his office. She could tell that he was upset.

"Hey" Derek didn't want her to see the results. Not when she had that beautiful smile upon her face.

"Did you get the results?" she asked.

"Let's grab some lunch. Then we can go over the results" he needed time to figure out what he could do for her.

"I really wanted to see the results." she sighed.

"I can not concentrate on an empty stomach" he teased as he reached for her arm. He had to get her out of the office. Away from all of the pain that the results would no doubt cause.

"Okay" she laughed as they walked out the door.

Derek didn't want to think about the long journey ahead of this talented and special woman.

He was afraid she may not even go through with the surgery.

"Are you sure that your okay?" she could tell that something was bothering him.

"I'm fine. It's been a long day already" he lied as they headed into the cafeteria.

Meredith grabbed a cheeseburger and fries.

Derek laughed when they sat down at the table. "It never ceases to amaze me how someone that looks like you is able to eat like that" he teased.

"I like my food" she laughed as she picked up a fry.

"How is your day going?" he asked.

"Okay"

"Have you talked to your friends?"

"I was actually trying to avoid them for now"

"Oh"

"It's not that I don't want to talk to them. I just want to know what I plan on doing before I talk to them" she rambled.

Derek looked at her. He wanted to find out everything he could about her. He knew that she had an amazing story just waiting to break free. Unfortunately he had to remember the rules that she created. The rules that strictly forbid him from asking questions.

He would have to find a way around the rules.

"How did you like New York?"

"I loved it"

"You didn't want to be with your friends in Seattle?" he asked.

Meredith didn't mind answering his questions. Even if it was breaking the rules. She found herself letting go when she was with him.

"I just didn't want to be known as Ellis Grey's daughter"

"Why?"

"I have always wanted to make it on my own"

"You are one amazing woman" he knew that a lot of people would have used the mother card to their gain. Not Meredith she was different.

"Thanks" she laughed.

"Your welcome"

"Derek can I ask you a question?"

"Yes"

"Why did you become a neurosurgeon?"

"That's an easy question. The brain has always fascinated my curiosity."

Meredith laughed at his response. "I have another question"

"Only if I get to ask you one"

"Did you already look at my results?"

Derek looked at his salad sitting in front of him. He realized that he had to tell her the truth. That once she found out he looked at them. She would want to know the results. He wasn't ready to put that bombshell on her. Not when she looked so beautiful when she smiled.

"Meredith Grey" Izzy and Christina walked over to the table and sat down.

Derek was relieved for the interruption.

"Hey guys" Meredith smiled.

"Nice try Mer" Christina snapped.

"What?" she knew they were upset that she didn't tell them she was coming.

"You were already gone when we woke this morning" Izzy complained.

"Sorry"

"Did you have the tests done?" Christina asked.

"Yes"

"What were the results?" Izzy asked.

"I haven't looked at them yet" Derek lied. He knew that Meredith wanted a chance to see them before everyone else found out. It would buy him a little time before she found out as well.

"We are just happy that you had the tests done" Izzy looked at Derek.

"What's going on here?" Christina asked noticing Derek for the first time.

"We are having lunch" Derek didn't know how they would respond.

"Oh" Christina looked at Meredith. She could tell that Derek put a smile on her face.

A smile that she enjoyed seeing. She only hoped that he wouldn't hurt her. Not when she had a full plate.

"Page us when you get the results" Christina looked at Meredith as she climbed out of the chair.

"Okay" Meredith smiled as the girls walked away.

"Thanks for helping" Meredith looked at Derek.

"No problem"

"So, have you looked at the results?" she asked again.

"Yes"

Meredith was afraid to ask about the results. She realized that it was her results that had him upset.

"Not what you expected?" she asked.

"Listen, we will fight this. You have to give me a chance to do what I do best." he wouldn't let her give up. Not when he knew she was the woman of his dreams.

"It's bad isn't it?" she asked.

"I told you I am the best"

"You have such a God complex. Seriously, Derek"

"I can do this"

"Is it worth it though?"

"I think that you are worth the effort"

"Why do you care if I have the surgery?" she asked.

"I don't want you to give up when I know you can fight this."

Meredith shook her head. "You don't know me. When things get to tough I have a need to run"

"Your not running this time. I will glue your shoes to the floor."

Meredith laughed at him. "What if something goes wrong?"

"Meredith have a little faith in me" he was scared as hell.

"I'll think about it. I want to see the scans first" she had to know what she was up against.

"Deal" he took a hold of her hand.

Meredith pulled her hand back. She wasn't certain of the feeling that ran through her hand at his touch. It wasn't weird the connection she felt for this man. Not the best time to get used to having him around. Once he performed this impossible surgery he would be out of her life. He would get the glory from the impossible surgery and she would be alone to fight rest of the battle on her own. She was used to being alone may as well not depend on him now.

"Shall we?" she asked as she stood up from the table.

Derek knew that she felt the same way from the touch they shared. Derek was not a man to let his guard down. Many women tried in the past but they never succeeded. Meredith Grey was putting a spell on him that he couldn't deny.  
"Let's go" he smiled as they walked out of the cafeteria.


	6. the decision

a/n: Okay so this isn't a big update. Though I wanted to post something for all of you who are enjoying the story. Read and review

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Meredith sat in Derek's office looking at the results. She tried to hide the fact that she was minutes away from breaking down into tears. Her mom would laugh and call her weak. Tell her that she should never show a man that she was weak. It would give them the advantage. She started to laugh and could not stop once it started.

Derek stood over Meredith. He was shocked when she started laughing. It definitely wasn't the reaction he had.

"Are you okay?" he asked sitting down beside her.

"I'm sorry this isn't the least bit funny. Yet here I sit laughing over my dilemma"

"Sometimes we need to laugh to keep from crying" he figured she was on the verge of tears.

"I don't cry. My mother always thought that it was a sign of weakness. She didn't want her daughter to be weak. Though I have never been the daughter that she wanted." she always ended up letting her mom down. Time after time she never got it right. It wasn't that she didn't try. She tried so hard to win her mother's love. Love was one emotion that Ellis Grey never shared with anyone.

"It's okay to cry Meredith. It's okay to let someone comfort you over this." he wanted to take her into his arms. To take away the pain that was in her life. He wished that he could give her the miracle that she so deserved.

"I'm fine" she wiped her eyes. The laughter finally subsiding.

"Your fine?" he asked.

"Yes" she stood up and walked over to the door. She had to get out of this office. Away from this man who could read into her soul. If she was alone it would give her the chance to break down. She wanted to break down then she could come back. Have the strength to talk about the decision to have the surgery.

"Don't leave" he knew she was going to run. Run away from the facts of her case. He couldn't let her run she needed him even if she didn't want to admit to it.

"I need to be alone" she would go up to the roof. Have a minute alone. Then she would come back.

Derek took her hand. "No one should have to go through this alone" he wanted to pull her into his arms.

"I don't know what you want from me Derek Shepherd" she yelled.

"That's the thing Meredith I don't want anything from you. Is that what you think? In order for someone to care for you they have to want something? Your mom totally destroyed you"

"You want me to have this surgery" she threw it up in his face. Hoping that if he was angry he would let her leave.

"I do want you to have the surgery. That's not for me though. It's for you so that you can live." he pulled her face up to look into his eyes.

She shook her head. "I have to go" she turned around to reach for the door.

"It's okay to let go" he tried once again.

Meredith turned around. "I am scared" she finally couldn't take it. She needed someone to understand what she was going through.

Derek pulled her into his arms. "It's okay to be scared. We didn't know that the tumor would have grown."

"I was hoping for a miracle"

"It's not to late for a miracle Meredith. Let me do the surgery"

Meredith couldn't hold the tears back. As they began to fall she fell complete into his arms.

She welcomed his embrace as he held onto her.

"You know that it will not be easy. You already understand all of the risks. I can do this Meredith I have to believe that I can do this."

"What if you can't"

"I can do this" he stated once again.

Meredith closed her eyes. She wanted to believe that he could do it. That he was her miracle. Unfortunately all she could think about was the risk. Though her alternative wasn't the best. Either way she would die. "Okay I'll have the surgery"

"Seriously?" he asked.

"Yes"

"I think we should get it done ASAP" he didn't want to give her chance to change her mind.

"Give me a couple days" she needed time to get everything ready.

"Okay I'll give you two days. If you experience any symptoms you have to let me know" he bargained.

"I will" she pulled herself out of his arms.

"Okay" he let go of her.

"I have to find my friends" she needed a chance to talk with them.

"Do you want me to go with you?" he didn't want her to be alone.

"Don't you have other patients to bother? I need to do this alone" she smiled.

"Your my favorite patient. I understand though"

"Thanks Derek" she smiled as she walked out of his office.

Derek waited until she left for his anger to surface. He was angry that she had to go through this. That someone so young would have to rely on him to save her life. In a state of anger he threw everything off of his desk.

"What's going on?" Mark looked at the mess on the floor.

"I told you to knock" Derek snapped.

Mark could tell from the sharp tone in Derek's voice that he was upset.

"What's bothering you?" Mark leaned over to pick the things off of the floor. He carefully sat them back up on the desk.

"I don't know if I can save her" Derek didn't try to explain who he was talking about.

"Save who?" Mark was confused.

Derek ignored the question as he walked over to sit on his couch. The couch that still held the fragrance from her hair. It was enough to calm him down. He had to save her there was no other choice.

"Derek talk to me" Mark walked over to the couch. He couldn't remember ever seeing his friend so upset.

"Meredith Grey"

"Oh"

"That's all you are going to say?"

"I don't understand why you are so upset. Derek we can not save everyone"

"You don't understand" Derek yelled as he stood up and began pacing the floor.

"Your right I don't understand. I have never seen you this upset over a patient. No doctor wants to lose a patient Derek. Let's face it though it happens everyday."

"She's not just a patient" Derek yelled as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"What do you mean by that?"

"She's different from all of the women that I have ever met. She has a story that I want to learn about."

"Derek you need to slow down. You met this woman that you say is different. You know nothing about her. Yet here you are only knowing this woman for two days and you are looking at her like she could be the love of your life. She is your patient Derek. You have to remember that. If you don't there is no way you will be able to save her life. Distance yourself from her now before you end up heartbroken."

"I don't think that I can do that" Derek shook his head.

"Listen to yourself man. She is sick, she may never make it through this. What will happen to you then? I am afraid for you man. If you don't pull away now. I don't think that you will forgive yourself if she doesn't make it through the surgery" Mark was looking out for his best friend.

"Do you know why you don't understand?" Derek was furious.

"No why don't you tell me"

"Forget it" Derek didn't want to say something he would regret.

"NO tell me" Mark yelled.

"You don't understand because you could never love anyone as much as you love yourself. That's why they call you the man whore. Your too busy fooling around with all the single nurses. Then after you have your fun with them you never call them back. I'm sorry that I can't be as heartless as you. I will not give up on Meredith. I will not let her give up on herself" Derek yelled as he stormed out of his office.

a/n: okay so Meredith is going to have the surgery. Mark finally realizes that Derek is in way over his head. What will he do to pull his friend back? Find out in the next chapter. Also I haven't really wrote from Meredith's point of view so that will be the next chapter.

Read and review...


	7. tequila time?

A/N: Okay so here is the next update. I hope that I was able to correct the grammar this time. I don't have to tell you that I am terrible with punctuation. Sorry if it's a mess once again. Anyway read and review all reviews are appreciated. Let me know if there are problems.

Disclaimer: I own nothing

She sat there, looking at the drink in her hand. It was definitely wrong to be sitting here. She should be talking to her friends. Telling them about her results. Letting them know that she was scared.

"That's some strong medicine" Joe the bartender looked at the woman sitting in front of him. He had been working in this business long enough to know when someone didn't want to drink.

"I'm used to it," Meredith said. She finally lifted the glass to her lips.

"Want to talk about it?" he asked.

"It's just that I have this tumor in my brain. The only option is surgery. There's this great surgeon who is willing to remove it. I'm not exaggerating when I say he is great and he definitely knows his greatness. He is one of those men who has a huge God complex you know?" Meredith asked. She knew that she was rambling. It was something that she did when she was upset.

"So he will remove it and you will be okay?" Joe asked. He was used to all of the doctor talk. Most of his customers were either Doctor's or nurses.

"He can remove it. Doesn't mean that I will be okay. I may not even wake up from this surgery. Or I could die on the operating table. I don't want to do that to Dr. Shepherd. He's a great guy who believes that he is my miracle. Like I deserve a miracle." she said. She didn't deserve to live through the surgeries. There was a lot of times she left bars with men for the night. Only to wake up in the morning to show them the door. She would never talk to them again. What kind of person does that she wondered.

"Dr. Shepherd?" Joe asked. He liked the man especially since he saved his life. Definitely a great surgeon.

"You know him?" she asked. She handed Joe her glass.

"Of course. He saved my life,"Joe smiled.

"What if my life isn't meant to be saved. I am fighting this disease and the only reason is for my friends. They say that they couldn't make it without me. I love my friends though shouldn't there be another reason for the fight? I should have another reason." she said.

"Do it for love."

"Love what's that?" she joked.

"I am certain that there is a man out there. A man who thinks about you everyday. Even if you haven't met yet. He's waiting for his princess to come along."

"That's funny!" she laughed. Seattle was definitely full of romantics.

"Hey it's the truth," Joe believed that there was someone for everyone. That two souls are separated at birth only to be reunited sometime in life.

"Okay so I can add love to the list." she teased.

"You'll see young lady. One day you will find that man. Then you can come back in here and tell me all about it. First though you need to fight this tumor. Give it all of the fight that you have." Joe smiled.

"Here's to the man who gave me another reason to fight" she raised her glass before she tilted her head back to take the drink.

Derek walked onto the elevator coming face to face with the famous four. He figured from the expression on their face that they had already heard the news from Meredith.

"So she told you guys?" he asked. As the elevator doors closed.

Christina was the first to look at him.

"Who are you talking about?" Christina asked.

"Meredith," he was shocked that she didn't know who he was talking about.

Christina pushed the red button on the elevator. As the elevator stopped they surrounded him.

"We haven't talked to her." Izzy looked at Derek.

"She was coming to find you" Derek was confused. Meredith left his office to find her friends.

"What's going on?" Alex asked.

"I'm sorry she will have to talk to you," he couldn't tell them of the results. Not when he promised Meredith.

"You better start talking. We are her family." George yelled.

Derek was taken back by the harshness in George's voice.

"I would love to tell you guys. It's just that she wanted to talk to you first. She left my office to find you guys. That was like three hours ago." he looked at his watch. Where would she have went. He knew she was upset when she left his office.

"Please just tell us what is going on," Izzy pleaded.

"All I can tell you is that she agreed to the surgery. If you need to know the specifics you will have to talk to her." Derek didn't want to tell them that much. He knew though they wouldn't let him off of the elevator unless he gave up something.

Alex hit the start button. He knew that if Meredith was upset she would need a dose of tequila.

"We'll find her." he said waiting for the elevator to open.

They all shook their head in understanding.

"Where would she go?" Derek would like to see her.

"Any place that serves tequila." Izzy smiled.

"Oh," Derek laughed.

"You can come along." Izzy could tell that he liked her friend.

"Only if you make her tell us all the details." Christina wanted to know everything. At least they would know what she was facing.

"Deal," he smiled as the elevator stopped.

Joe walked over to Meredith.

"Should I call you a cab?" he asked.

"Don't worry my friends know where to find me." she was seeing double vision. It wasn't from the tequila. It was normal since the arrival of the great tumor. She had been feeling the side effects for some time now.

"Okay," Joe poured a cup of coffee and placed it in front of her.

"I figured you could use this." he smiled.

Meredith nodded her head as she picked up the cup. It felt warm against her hand. Definitely would help wake her up.

Joe looked up when the door opened. He smiled when he watched Derek and the gang walk through the door.

"I think your friends found you." he pointing to the door.

Meredith turned around and her eyes locked with Derek's. She could tell that he was upset to find her here.

"Look it's the man who is going to save my life!" she yelled as she stood up. The room began to spin as her feet lost their balance and she began to fall.

Derek was fast to run over and catch her.

"My hero!" she smiled.

"One to many?" he asked.

"No, it's that friend I have in my head." she was used to the tequila. It was the tumor that caused her to lose her footing.

"How long has it been going on?" he asked. He could smell the lavender in her hair.

"A couple weeks," she lied. It really started two months ago.

"Meredith maybe I should take you to the hospital." he said.

"I am going to be there for awhile. So for now let me enjoy my freedom."

"Meredith Grey you owe us answers." Christina stood next to her friends. She looked at Derek.

"Did you tell them?" Meredith asked Derek.

"No."

"Well, I am having the surgery." she started as Derek lead her over to the table.

Her friends followed behind them. When she sat down they all grabbed chairs and sat down.

"What about the scans?"Izzy asked.

"It wasn't the best results in the world. I have a tumor." she laughed trying to keep everyone happy.

"Meredith" George yelled. He was tired of her down playing her situation.

"I'm sorry Georgie." Meredith smiled.

"Tell us." Christina yelled.

"It's grown significantly. Luckily this talented surgeon will be able to remove it." she smiled as she looked at Derek.

Derek wiped his sweaty hands on his pants. He couldn't believe that Meredith had so much faith in him.

"So you can still remove it?" Christina asked.

"Yes," he hoped.

"Meredith you realize that once the tumor is removed. That you will have to start chemotherapy." Alex asked.

"Yes," she didn't like the thought of the chemotherapy.

"You can do it Meredith. You are the strongest out of all of us. You are the one who keeps us going each and every day." Izzy was scared.

"I am going to fight like hell. I needed another reason to fight this. I mean you guys are the number one reason. Then I came over here and Joe gave me another. I am also fighting for love. According to Joe there is someone out there for me. Someone who will love me for the rest of my life. I want that kind of love." she smiled. trying to sound like a romantic.

Derek looked at Meredith. He was that guy. That guy who could fall in love with her. He would love her for the rest of her life. If she gave him the chance.

"Derek tell us how difficult this surgery will be." George asked. He wanted the truth without it being sugar coated.

Derek didn't want to tell them how difficult it would be. He didn't want to tell them with Meredith listening in. Afraid that it would scare her out of the procedure.

"Go ahead Derek. Did you forget that I already know?" Meredith wasn't a fool. She was well aware of the dangers. She knew all of the complications that could arise. Even if Derek was trying to protect her. She wondered if he was this protective with all of his patients.

"Well, it's going to be a long surgery. You have complications with any surgery which you are all aware of. With the tumor being pressed up against the brain the way it is. It's going to be hard to move around. I want to make sure that I can get it all. If I can get it all she will not have to go through any other brain surgeries."

"If you can't?" Izzy asked. She already knew the answer.

"I'll simply go back in." he stated it like it was no big deal.

Christina hoped that he could get it all. If Meredith had a choice she wouldn't have another surgery.

"Meredith would you like me to take you home?" George asked noticing the tiredness in her eyes.

"No you just got here. Enjoy yourself for awhile." she didn't want to ruin their evening.

"I'll take you home." Derek offered.

"Okay," Meredith was ready to go home. She was starting to feel the pounding once again in her head.

"Meredith when are you having the surgery?" Alex asked before she left.

"Two days," she smiled.

They all took a deep breath.

"It's going to be alright," she smiled as Derek led her out of the bar.

A/N: So I almost have the next update finished. I will warn you that it will be sad. I hope that you enjoyed this update. READ and REVIEW....


	8. confessions

A/N: Please Read and Review.

Derek walked Meredith up to her front door. He wasn't ready for the night to end. She was the one woman that he enjoyed spending time with. Each minute that he spent with her was special. He was learning a lot about her life. He never met someone that had to live through so many trials and tribulations.

"Thanks for bringing me home." Meredith smiled as she pulled her keys out of her pocket.

"Dance with me," Derek held out his hand.

Meredith laughed, "There's no music," she said.

"We can make our own music." he said. He reached for her hand. Gently pulling her into his arms. If he held her for the rest of his life. It wouldn't be long enough.

Meredith allowed Derek to twirl her around the porch. She didn't mind being in his arms. It should have scared her, the way she held onto him. Like she belonged in his arms.

"I wish this dance could last forever." she said. Instantly regretting the words she had spoken.

"It can last forever, Meredith." Derek whispered into her ear.

His words sent a shiver up her spine. She never experienced these feelings before. This wasn't right, what was she thinking? That was the problem, when she was with him she stopped thinking. All of her logical thinking went right out the window. It was like he put a spell on her. It had to be the tumor that was pushing against her brain. She was losing all since of right and wrong. This was wrong, so wrong on so many different levels. He was her doctor. She could end up dying in his hands. What would happen to him then? It would no doubt send him over the edge.

"What's going through that mind of yours?" he asked.

"I should go inside now." she let her hands fall from his arms.

"Why?" he asked.

"Derek, what are we doing?" she asked.

"Enjoying a dance together." he answered.

"A dance that could be my last." she softly whispered.

"It's not the last dance. Meredith, this is the first of many dances. Dances that we will share together." he said.

Meredith walked over to the swing. It was her favorite place to sit and think. "You shouldn't be putting yourself through this."

Derek sat down next to her on the swing. "Put myself through what?"

"You know what I am talking about."

"Meredith, I enjoy spending time with you."

"In less than two days I will be lying on your table. How will you think straight after spending this time with me? What will keep you on your toes? I'll be lying there relying on you to save me. If something should go wrong. What happens to you?"

"Nothing is going to happen to you. Meredith, I will not let anything happen to you." he vowed.

"That's easy to say now. You don't know what's going to happen. We can sit here, go over all the facts, still you don't know what's going to happen."

"Is this your way of pushing me away?"

"This is my way of saving you. Saving you from a life time of regrets. Your getting way to close to the patient. Remember I am only your patient."

"Your not just a patient."

Meredith stood up and walked away. She stopped, turning around to face him once again. "I am just your patient. It doesn't seem that way since we spend so much time together. Would you have allowed yourself to get close like this with any other patient?"

"Your not like other patients."

"That's the problem. I am just like any other patient. You have to realize that now. Before you cut into my brain."

Derek couldn't take it any longer. He jumped off of the swing. He had her in his arms before she could push him away.

Gently he pulled her into his arms. He waisted no time allowing his lips to connect with hers.

Meredith, couldn't think straight. Not with his tongue diving into her mouth. Their tongues danced back and forth to a rhythm of their own. The taste of his mouth made it difficult to pull away.

Finally, the kiss ended and they stood looking into one another's eyes.

No words were spoken, only deep breaths were taken.

"I should go inside." Meredith slowly backed away.

Derek didn't know what to say. Her words rung true in his mind. It was his heart that had a time listening.

"Meredith," he whispered her name.

She stopped moving, "Let this be goodnight."

"Goodnight or goodbye?" he was afraid that he had pushed her away. That maybe he should have never kissed her.

"There is no goodbye, only goodnight." she whispered. Though in the back of her mind she knew it had to be goodbye. What was happening between them had to stop. If she didn't stop it he wouldn't either.

"Okay," though he knew she was saying goodbye.

Derek stood there until she was inside. Once she closed the door he slowly walked away. Stopping once he returned to his car. He should go back, knock on the door, though it would cause more harm. As he climbed into his car he knew that she wouldn't be seeing him again. That the next time, they were together, her life would be in his hands. The thought brought tears to his eyes as he drove away.

Meredith stood against the door. She brought her fingers to her lips. They were still swollen from their gentle kiss. A kiss that she didn't want to end. Her heart was screaming to run back outside. Her head was telling her to stay inside. To keep the distance, to spare his pain. A pain that she couldn't bare to bring upon him.

She slowly walked away from the door. As she climbed the stairs, to her bedroom, she felt the start of the tears in her eyes. The once perfect relationship was now over. All that was left were the memories that they had shared. She shook her head when she realized that there were only memories from two days. Two days that now felt like an eternity. Tomorrow would be a new day. A day that she would not be anxious to wake from. She wished that they had met under different circumstances. That they could have shared a powerful love. A love that would have never been broken. Instead she was left to think about the doom of the surgery that awaited her.

Mark walked into Derek's office the next morning. Complete unaware of the previous night.

"I'm sorry about yesterday." Mark sat down on the chair.

Derek didn't answer him. Simply stared at the wall in a daze.

"Derek," Mark said.

Derek kept thinking about the woman he held last night in his arms. The woman that kept him up all night. He tried to sleep, instead he could only think of the words she had spoken. The goodbye that she had said. It was enough to cause pain in his heart.

"What's going on? You look like hell." Mark teased.

Derek looked at Mark for the first time. "What do you want?"

"I came to apologize."

"I don't have time for this." Derek wanted to be alone. The only person he wanted to be with was Meredith.

"Seriously, what's going on?"

"You should be happy. I will no longer be seeing Meredith." Derek yelled.

"What happened?"

"Like you care," Derek said.

"Listen, I told you that I was sorry. It was wrong for me to meddle in your life. Now, will you tell me what's going on?"

"I kissed Meredith last night."

"Okay"

"No it's not okay. She doesn't want to see me anymore. She thinks that I don't see her as a patient."

"Do you see her as a patient?"

"I did at first. She has the power over me. I am totally under her spell. I finally found the woman of my dreams. Only she has cancer."

"Derek, if she is the woman of your dreams. Then you have to fight for her. Do the surgery once it's over you'll no longer be her doctor. You can start over with her. She is going to need you later. That's when you have to be there for her."

Derek nodded his head in agreement. For the first time Mark was right. He would keep his distance until after the surgery. Once, it was over he wasn't going anywhere.

"Thanks," Derek said.

"Your welcome," Mark was happy to help.

Meredith awoke the next morning with a pounding headache. It didn't cause her pain. The only pain she was experiencing, was the pain from telling Derek goodbye. She had to get to the hospital, to find him, tell him that she made a mistake. That she wanted to experience everything with him. She had lived in no mans land for so long. She was ready now to leave that land. She was willing to let him into her life. She climbed out of bed ignoring the headache. Ignoring the dizziness that she was feeling. Finding Derek was the only plan for the day. She should have continued the dance with him last night. She didn't have to guard her heart anymore. She believed that he was the one man who would never hurt her. Even if they just met she was already a believer in him.

She grabbed her clothes off of the dresser. She paid no attention to the spots that were floating around the room.

Now was not the time for rest. Not when each moment mattered.

Once dressed she walked to the door. Before she had a chance to turn the knob, the room began to spin at full speed. She closed her eyes for moment hoping that it would stop. When she opened her eyes she could feel her feet lose the ground. In an instant she fell hard to the floor. With a jabbing in her head she slowly closed her eyes. Her last thoughts were of Derek. Wondering if she would ever have the chance to be with him.

"Alex we are going to be late." Izzy yelled. She heard a loud thud hit the floor.

She let go of her jacket and ran upstairs.

"Meredith," she yelled.

Alex ran up the stairs behind her.

They walked into her room. "Oh my God, Meredith," Izzy yelled. She sat down on the floor.

Alex ran over to the phone.

"Meredith," Izzy yelled once again.

"The ambulance is on the way." Alex sat next to Izzy. "Is she breathing?" he asked.

"Yes," Izzy cried.

"Meredith, stay with us," Alex yelled.


	9. and the walls come crashing down

A/N: I am sorry that this update has taken so long. I could go into a long detailed speech for the reasons but I will not do that instead here is the update. I promise to have another one up by tomorrow. Read, Review, and Enjoy...

Disclaimer: I do not own anything...

Alex closed his eyes trying to ignore the commotion around him. His friends were demanding to know what was going on with Meredith. Alex wanted to grab a hold of Mark Sloan and throw him against the wall. Instead he sat on the floor trying his best to control the often violent temper that he possessed. Meredith was the only one that could calm him down when he was over the top.

"We need to remain calm."

He knew that the words came out his mouth yet he didn't know why.

Izzy looked at Alex sitting on the floor with his eyes closed. She knew that he was upset yet he sat there so calm and collective.

"That is Meredith on that bed."

"Will you find out what is going on?" she turned back to Mark.

Mark knew that they deserved answers. Unfortunately, now was not the time to talk to Derek. Derek was never afraid of performing a surgery. He always stayed one step ahead of the problem. This time Mark could see the fear in his eyes. The fear of losing the woman that he had started to love.

Mark understood that the surgery to remove the tumor had to be performed ASAP. He just didn't feel comfortable telling her friends. He knew that Derek would have to pull himself from the room long enough to provide her friends with an update. Tell them the results of the recent tests and the next step that needed to be done. Derek had to tell them before they end up charging into the room demanding answers.

"I will find out what is going on." Mark said.

"Thank you" Izzy replied. She walked over to Alex, who was sitting on the floor with his eyes closed.

"What's going on with you?" she asked Alex.

"Meredith is the only one who understands."

"Understands what?" Izzy asked.

"We both had to grow up fast in order to survive the cards that life threw at us. We were able to leave the past behind and accomplish the dreams that we held for ourselves. If she doesn't make it...", Alex took a deep breath, "she has to make it." he finished.

Izzy understood what Alex couldn't say. "she is going to pull through this Alex."

Alex opened his eyes and looked at Izzy.

"We have to remain calm for her. If one of us were in there she would insist that we remained calm."

"I know"

Owen walked over to Christina. He could tell that she was trying hurting inside of that hard exterior. He also knew that she would fight with every ounce of her soul to keep herself from losing control. She wasn't the kind of woman that was comfortable with her emotions. That was the reason that she identified with Meredith. They were vulnerable deep down inside yet refused to allow their emotions to get the best of them.

"Have you heard anything?" Owen asked Christina.

"No"

"I'll go talk to Dr. Shepherd."

Christina nodded her head in agreement. She wanted to run in there and demand answers but was afraid of the response that she would be given.

"Okay"

Owen found Dr. Sloan and Dr. Shepherd standing beside Meredith's bed. He wasn't prepared to see the woman lying in front of him. She looked pale and for the first time he could see the results that the tumor had done to her features.

"Derek"

Derek turned around to face Owen. He knew that Meredith's friends were waiting on answers. Answers that he wasn't prepared to provide.

"I have to operate"

Owen nodded his head.


	10. if tomorrow never comes

Derek was thankful that Owen and Mark stepped out of the room. He needed a minute to collect the thoughts that were scattered throughout his head. Merediths words kept replaying over and over in his mind. She was right when she warned him that he wouldn't be able to concentrate clearly. All he kept thinking was that the woman who was laying in front of him was his soul mate. The one woman who could give him the happiness that he wanted.

In a few minutes that woman would be in trusting him to save her life. A life that was full of potential.

"Dr. Shepherd", Chief Webber cleared his throat, "that is a very special woman on that bed. Are you going to be able to think clearly in that operating room?"

Derek didn't bother turning around to face Richard. Knowing that if he turned around Richard would see the tears collecting in his eyes.

"Dr. Parker is a simple page away."

Derek shook his head.

"I was getting ready to speak with her friends." Derek pulled himself together.

"The gossip mill is about to explode with information about you and Meredith."

"We are only friends, Richard."

"Friends huh?"

"Yes friends"

It wasn't a complete lie. Derek wanted to have more than friendship with her. Right now, standing in this room, they were only friends. When he finished the surgery he would support her throughout the rest of her treatments. He would show her that he could be the man of her dreams.

"You should get ready for the surgery. I'll talk to her friends after I spend a couple minutes alone with her."

Derek nodded his head in agreement. "Okay"

He took one last look and turned and left the room.

Richard walked over beside the bed. He gently picked up her hand and closed his eyes.

"Meredith, you have to fight this with every ounce of strength that you have in your body. I know that you can hear me and I also know that you are a fighter. A fighter that deserves more than anything a chance at happiness. Why didn't you come to me when you found out about this disease? I would have been there for you. Instead I had to find out through hospital gossip. I know that you have spent a lot of time with Derek. Judging by the sadness in his eyes I can tell that he has fallen for you. Who can blame him you are a rare jewel. So, when they take you in a couple minutes you are going to fight. You are going to fight not only for me but for that man who will be standing above you. Do you hear me?"

Richard kissed her hand and gently placed her hand back on the bed. He bent down and kissed the top of her head. "You are the daughter that I never had."

He said a little prayer as he turned and left the room.

Richard walked over to the group standing by the door. He noticed the collection of tears that they all had in their eyes.

"Meredith has to have the surgery. I have already signed the consent papers and Dr. Shepherd went to get ready. You can all go and see her before she goes. The reason that she collapsed was from the position of the tumor. We don't expect that she will regain consciousness before the surgery."

Christina listened to the information flying out at a face pace. She was a smart woman yet she couldn't get her mind to wrap around the words. All she could think about were the complications that could arise.

"Sir, can I assist?" Christina asked although, she already knew the answer.

"No"

Izzy felt the tears welling up in her eyes. She knew that one or two things could happen. She would either start crying or burst out in laughter. Judging by the look on Richards face laughter would not be the best course of action. She held her mouth shut hoping that the latter would not happen.

Alex knew he had to get away from this spot. He needed something to hit and was afraid that one wrong word and his career would be over. He could feel the tension pulling at his fists. He had to see Meredith first. He needed a minute alone with her.

"Who would like to see her first?" Izzy asked.

"I do", Alex blurted out the words, "if that is okay with all of you." he quickly added.

"Go ahead." Richard said.

Alex wasted little time as he walked toward the door.


	11. Let the crying begin

Alex stood at the bed looking down at his best friend. He knew the exact words that would come out of her mouth if she were awake. She would roll her eyes and yell at him for staring. He let out a little smirk then couldn't help the tears that began falling down his face.

"Meredith", Alex started "I understand that you may be feeling tired and ready to give up. Unfortunately, that is exactly why you have to do the opposite. By doing the opposite you will prove to the world that just when Meredith looks as though she is giving up; she reverses the tables and fights like hell. You once told me that your mom thought you were not capable of completing anything. Well, guess what, now is your chance to prove her wrong. You can show her that Meredith does not give up. That you are nothing like her. Please.."

He gently sat down next to her in the bed. He wanted to beg her to fight for him. That he didn't believe that people like them ever got the fairy tale ending. Instead he reached for her hand and held on for dear life. Hoping that by holding her hand she would know that she wasn't alone. For the first time in his life he had a family that was made up of every type of person. Izzy the funny romantic; Christina the self reliant, never let anyone get the best of her, determined to make it as the best surgeon; George the puppy faced boy who believed in love, and of course Meredith the only one of the four who truly understood him. These four were his family and no one would take them away; not even a tumor that was wrapped up inside of Merediths head.

He kissed the top of her head. "I'll be waiting when you wake up." he whispered.

* * *

Izzy waited until Alex left the room before she proceeded inside.

"Hey"

Izzy sat down in the same spot that was occupied by Alex. "You are going to be fine. When you wake up after the surgery I will have the biggest muffin waiting for you. Also, I think a certain surgeon will be waiting on you. No I am not talking about George.", Izzy laughed.

"I love you Meredith. You are going to be okay."

Izzy believed it with every ounce her soul. She didn't want to believe anything else.

"I have to let everyone else come in. So, I love you."

She kissed the top of Merediths head before climbing off of the bed and walking outside.

* * *

Christina stared at the chart in her hand. "It's probably for the best that you're not awake. You would have one hell of a headache. I tried to be a part of the surgery. Unfortunately, no one wants me in there. Listen, I want to trust Derek with your care. It's just that he looks like hell. I mean I think he fell hard. If you want a chance to find out then you have to fight. You hear me?"

Christina looked around after realizing her voice was a little loud. "I will watch him remove the tumor from the gallery. I have always wanted to watch this type of surgery."

"Look, you know that I don't do the hug thing. What the hell", Christina walked over beside the bed. She looked to make sure that no one was looking inside the room.

She leaned over and gave her best friend a quick hug.

* * *

George stood at the door to Meredith room. He wanted to walk over to the bed and take a hold of her hand. To let her know that he was here and that he needed her to fight like hell. Unfortunately, his feet wouldn't allow him to move. He felt as if they were covered in cement. He watched everyone else as they placed kisses on her forehead. He didn't want to feel as if this was goodbye. The Meredith Grey that he loved was a fighter and would come through this. It would just be another scar that would showed the places that she had been and the fight she gave to get through it. No he would wait until she was out of surgery and then he would kiss her. He whispered his love softly, "I love you Meredith."

* * *

Derek took his time as he prepared for himself for the surgery. His body felt numb as he watched the interns bring Meredith into the operating room. He closed his eyes for a moment trying to remember the last time he felt at such a loss. He had to fight the fear and pull himself together; Meredith deserved the best surgeon on her surgery and he was that surgeon. He took one last breath as he walked into the operating room. He looked up at the gallery and noticed all of her friends seated in the chairs. They would never regret bringing her to this hospital. He would remove the tumor and she would return to her healthy state of mind. He smiled at the group in the gallery as he walked over to the table. "It's a great day to save a life."


	12. into the darkness

_Meredith woke suddenly from her deep sleep. She looked around the room not quite able to remember where she was at. It seemed as if days had passed since she fell asleep. She felt the bandage that was wrapped tightly around her head. She let her feet dangle over the side of the bed before she was steady enough to climb out. The room was dark which left her unable to make out her surroundings._

_"Hello"_

_She called out hoping that someone was there. When only silence followed her voice; she knew that she was alone. She crept over to the door making sure that she didn't trip over anything laying on the floor. When she finally made it to the door she hesitated before turning the knob._

_She stepped out of the room surprised that she was outside. She looked around and noticed the familiar trailer that stood in front of her._

_"Derek", she whispered._

_She walked up to the trailer. She didn't understand what was going on but knew that she wanted to see the man that she was falling in love with. This would be her chance to tell him how she felt. Her chance to wrap her arms around him and let him hold onto her. It would give her the strength that she would need to make it through the hard surgery that lay in front of her._

_The door opened slowly and she was shocked to see her mother standing in front of her._

_"Mom?"_

_"Meredith, what are you doing here?"_

_"I came to see Derek."_

_"So, you are letting a man control your life? You are weak just like your father."_

_"No, I am nothing like him or you."_

_"You are definitely not like me. I would not have let a man control my life."_

_"Derek is going to save my life."_

_Meredith wanted to run away from her mother. At the same time she felt herself falling and it wasn't long before the darkness took over._

* * *

Derek walked into the room where he was greeted by her friends.

"She should be awake by now." Christina said.

"Seriously what is going on?" Izzy asked.

Derek paid little attention to the angry voices. He tried to hide the worry that played on his mind.

"She had a major operation you have to give her body a chance to heal. You need to think as a surgeon not as a friend."

The truth of the matter he was trying to convince himself at the same time. He wanted Meredith to wake up so that he could at least talk to her.

"Your right Dr. Shepherd we apologize." Alex said.

Derek smiled at Alex and left the room.

* * *

_Meredith felt as if she was falling from the sky. She wanted to open her eyes unfortunately they didn't want to open. She could hear voices in the background but couldn't make out who was calling her name. She wanted to wake from the never ending nightmare._

_She felt a familiar hand reach out and touch her forehead._

_She knew that touch better than any touch she had ever felt. It was Derek's fingers that were running across her forehead. She tried to move her hand but couldn't gather enough strength._

_Then as if on command Derek's hand quickly vanished. She tried to call his name but the words didn't come out. A nightmare was what she was experiencing. She could still hear her mothers words ring out in her ears. The words that would no doubt leave an impression on her mind._

* * *

Derek waited until Alex left the room late that evening before he returning. He tried several times during the day to visit her everytime one of her friends was seated at her bed. He couldn't leave the hospital not when she was here alone. He knew that her friends needed a night of rest so he would spend the night beside her bed. He would talk to her all night if it meant she would wake up from this deep sleep. He hated watching the ventilator breathing for her. Though he knew once she was awake it would be removed.

He quietly walked into the room and sat next to her. He gently ran his fingers over her forehead. Hoping that his touch wouldn't go unnoticed. He truly believed that patients recognized what was going on around them when they were in a coma state.

"Meredith", he called out her name.

* * *

_Meredith listened as the soft voice called out her name. _

_She knew the voice and felt her blood warm at the sound. It felt like music to her ears and she willed herself to wake. _

_She knew that she had to pull herself through whatever was going on. Fighting the darkness was the only way back to the man that she was falling in love with. _

* * *

"Meredith, come back to me." Derek whispered.

He felt the tears well up in his eyes.

"Dr. Shepherd"

Derek turned to see George standing at the door. He quickly wiped the tears that were falling from his eyes.

"George"

George walked over to the bed. "She is going to wake up."

"I know"

"You don't believe that she will wake up do you?"

"The surgeon believes that she will wake up. The man that is falling in love with her is scared as hell." Derek admitted.

"I have loved this woman for years. I always wanted to tell her but could never get the words to come out of my mouth. I guess I was a coward afraid of the outcome. I will regret being a coward for the rest of my life. She is going to wake up the reason I believe this is because you two deserve a chance to make it work. So, don't give up on her Derek." George said.

"Thank you"

"It's the least that I can do after you saved my best friends life. It's not going to be a smooth road for you two. Nothing comes easy for Meredith even if it's everything she ever wanted. She will fight the feelings that she has for you every step of the way. Her mother placed some heavy scars on her heart a long time ago. She doesn't believe that she deserves to be happy. You have to remain strong and make her see that her mother was wrong. It will work out for you two in the long run.", George turned to leave the room.

"Watch out for Alex"

Derek looked back at Meredith. "Did you hear that? We deserve to be together all you have to do is believe."


	13. awake

A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews. I am trying to finish this story by New Years. We'll see how that goes.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything

_Meredith was startled to consciousness with an abnormal feeling in her throat. A feeling that something was blocking her air supply. Her hand instantly wrapped around the object as she tried to remove it. She felt a familiar hand wrap around her fingers leaving a warmth that ran all the way to her toes. She listened as voices gathered around her. Voices that were filled with excitement and were easy to recognize. She was afraid to open her eyes fearing that it was once again another nightmare that she was trapped in. _

* * *

Derek watched as the sun began to ascend the Seattle landscape. He stayed with Meredith all night hoping and praying that she would awake. He was about to leave when he caught a site that filled his heart with warmth. He instantly wrapped his hand around her fingers stopping her from removing the ventilator tube. "I need help" he yelled.

Christina ran into the room followed by Izzy and Alex.

Alex walked over beside the bed.

"Remove the ventilator" Derek spoke still holding onto her hand.

"Thank God!" Izzy exclaimed.

They stood beside the bed as Alex removed the tubing.

Meredith slowly opened her eyes and they landed on Derek's warm smile. She wanted to speak but was unable to form the words. She was still worried that this was another dream. A dream where Derek would once again vanish into the darkness. She tried once again to move her lips but his fingers went to her lips.

"Don't try to talk." he whispered.

Meredith nodded her head but kept her eyes glued to his.

"Meredith, you gave us quit a scare." Christina smiled.

Meredith turned to the voice and smiled when she saw her friends. It was nice to see the only family that she ever loved. The only family who ever loved her for who she was.

"You have been out for awhile." Alex said.

Derek watched as the friends gathered around the bed. He stepped back giving them all a chance to talk.

Meredith couldn't help the yawn that escaped her mouth.

Derek walked up beside her. "You should rest." he said.

Meredith shook her head. She didn't want to go back into another dream. Afraid that it would be harder to pull herself out this time. Once again she tried to talk, "No" she said.

"Meredith, your body needs to heal the only way for that to happen is with rest." Alex said.

Meredith didn't want to explain the reason that she was afraid to close her eyes. "Okay" she said.

Derek watched as everyone left the room. He didn't want to leave her alone but knew that she needed to rest.

"I'll be back to check on you later." he smiled.

"Okay"

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked.

"Yes" she whispered.

He smiled down at her before leaving the room.

Meredith watched as Derek walked out of her room. She had lots of questions for Derek but they would have to wait for a later time. Unaware of where they stood she questioned how he felt for her. The last night that they spent together was a fairytale. No one had ever made her feel the way he made her feel. Now she worried that the surgery may have pushed him away. She was also aware of the long road ahead that she would have to travel. She could never ask him to follow her down that road. He would see her as weak and that scared her.

With all of the questions that she had for him it didn't change the way she felt. She was falling in love with him and had relied on that love to wake up.

* * *

Derek walked outside of Meredith's room. He found Richard standing at the door. He could see the tears formed in his eyes. "I was worried that she wouldn't pull through." he admitted.

"We were all scared."

"I should have tried harder to protect her from Ellis. No child should have to grow up the way she did. I will have to live with that mistake for the rest of my life. Now that I have her back in Seattle I have no intention of letting her leave. Like I said before she is like a daughter to me."

"Why don't you go and tell her that."

"She may not want to see me. She didn't come tell me about the tumor."

"Maybe she didn't want to scare you. Meredith is a strong woman that doesn't like having to lean on others."

"You're right"

* * *

Richard walked beside the bed.

"Hey"

Meredith smiled when she saw Richard.

"I'm sorry that you had to find out this way."

"Why didn't you come to me?"

"I knew that you would worry."

"Meredith, you are like a daughter to me. You know that right?"

"Yes"

"I want you to stay in Seattle. Go through your chemo here where you have support from friends and family."

Meredith smiled at Richard. She wanted to stay in Seattle not only to be with her family but also to be close to Derek. She knew that if her mother was alive she wouldn't be here to offer support.

"I'll think about."

"You should rest for awhile."

Meredith could feel her eyes getting heavy. "Could you stay here till I fall asleep?"

"Of course"

Richard sat down in the chair next to the bed. He placed her hand in his and watched as she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

"How is Meredith?" Mark asked.

Derek looked at the chart in his hand. The recent scans showed that all of the tumor was removed.

"Resting"

"How are you holding up?" Mark asked.

He was aware that Derek stayed at the hospital all night. He was worried that his friend was putting off taking care of himself to be with Meredith.

"I'm okay"

"You have to take care of yourself."

"I don't want to leave her alone. I have to show her that I care."

"She knows that you care."

"She's not like the women that you date."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"She didn't grow up with love and support. Actually she grew up with the support system that you had."

"That bad huh?"

"Yes"

"Enough said"

"I have to finish rounds."

"Make sure you get some rest."

"I will"

A/N: Meredith is awake (yeah). The next update should be up by tomorrow. I plan on making it all about Derek and Meredith. Maybe a long over do talk. We'll see. Once again read and review..


	14. promise of tomorrow

A/N: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

I hope that everyone enjoys this update. I don't think it's one of my greatest updates but hopefully everyone still appreciates it. As always read and review.

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's anatomy or the characters

Time never mattered to Derek in the past. He usually paid little attention to the long hours that he put into this hospital. As he ran down the hall to see Meredith he cursed himself for the late hour. His last surgery took longer than expected and here it was almost five o'clock. The last time that he saw her was this morning when she awoke and he could only imagine what was playing on her mind. She was probably thinking that he didn't want to see her. Quit the opposite were true she was the only person that he wanted to be with. He had tried to push the surgery onto another neuro attending but it was a difficult procedure that needed his attention.

He took a deep breath before walking into her room.

Meredith looked up from the latest magazine when she heard her door open. What she saw brought a smile to her face. Derek was standing at the door out of breath.

"Are you okay?" she laughed.

Derek walked into her room and pulled up the chair next to her bed.

"I'm fine now that I am here."

"How was your day?"

"Long"

"It could have been worse."

"How?"

"You could have been stuck in this room. Izzy brought these magazines thinking I would enjoy reading them."

"You didn't?"

"No"

"I'm sorry that I didn't come by earlier."

"I understand the life of a surgeon."

"I wanted to be here with you. I know that it's terrible being stuck in this hospital."

"You could let me assist on a surgery." she joked.

"I don't think that Richard would agree with that."

"Never underestimate the power of persuasion."

Derek took her hand and placed it in his. "Meredith, I want you to stay in Seattle for your chemo. The reason that I want you in Seattle is because I am falling in love with you. I don't want you pushing me away this time. Give me me a chance to show you that we belong together."

Meredith thought about her life in New York. If she left Seattle she wouldn't have the support of her friends. "I'm not going to lie to you Derek. Staying in Seattle would mean having support during the chemo. The only problem is that I have never been in a relationship before. The thought of a relationship scares the hell out of me. With that being said I do have feelings for you. It took your voice to pull me out of my coma and your touch was a warmth that I have never experienced. I just don't know if I can go through chemo while developing this relationship."

"I am not asking for a relationship right now Meredith. I will wait for you to finish your chemo. I only want the chance to spend time together. I want to know everything about you and for the first time I want to tell you everything about myself."

"You don't want to know about my life Derek. It wasn't a life full of laughter and love. I don't believe in fairy tales and have a hard time believing in love."

"I want to change that for you Meredith. I want to make you believe in fairy tales and happy endings. I want you to believe in love at first sight. I want to be your knight in shinning armor."

Meredith wanted to tell him that it wasn't possible. That she would never believe in fairy tales instead she simply smiled.

"I have to think about it" she said.

"Okay", he kissed the top of her hand. He would give her the chance to think out her options. He wouldn't let her leave though he would find a way to convince her.

Meredith knew she would have to put serious thoughts into her decision. Her heart was already falling in love with the man that was sitting with her.

Alex walked into Meredith's room. He noticed the look on his best friends face. She was staring at Derek as if in deep thought.

"Hey"

He walked over and sat down on the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"My head hurts" Meredith said.

"You should be resting." Alex said.

Derek caught the expression on the young mans face. He was certain whether it was a look of jealousy or concern.

"I am going to get something to eat. Would you like me to get you anything?" he asked Meredith.

"I'm okay, thanks.", she smiled up at Derek.

Derek leaned over and placed a kiss on her cheek. "I'll be back."

"You should go home and get some rest." Meredith said.

"I'll be back." he said.

Alex watched Derek leave the room. He was concerned over the amount of attention that he was paying to Meredith. He was afraid that Meredith would end up hurt. That was not going to happen if he could help it.

"What is going on with you two?" he asked.

"I have feelings for him Alex. Serious feelings and I don't know what to do about it." she said.

Alex couldn't believe what Meredith was admitting. "Where is my best friend?", he teased.

"He wants me to stay in Seattle during the chemo."

"I think you should stay here for chemo too. All of your friends are here and want to help you through this treatment."

"I want to stay here too. It's the thought of Derek that scares me."

"You don't have to make a decision about your feelings for him. Take care of yourself then you can figure out what you want concerning him. Right now you have to concentrate on yourself. I have a patient that I need to check on. I'll be back later okay."

"Alex, do you think I have a chance with him?"

Alex was taken off guard by her question. He thought over the question before answering.

"I think you deserve a chance with him. You have to follow your heart Meredith. If this man makes you happy then yes you have a chance with him. I think he is a lucky man to have the opportunity to make you happy." he said.

Meredith smiled at her best friend. "Thanks"

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you too."

It wasn't long after Alex left that Derek walked back into the room.

"I brought you a salad."

"A salad?"

"What's wrong with that?"

"I'm not a rabbit Derek."

"What would you have preferred?"

"A piece of pizza."

"Next time I promise I will bring you pizza."

Meredith took the salad that he brought.

"I'm going to stay in Seattle."

"Seriously?" he asked.

"Yes"

"Thank you"

"I can not guarantee what that will mean for us right now. Can we take it one day at a time?" she asked.

"That is fine with me." he said.

Derek couldn't believe that she agreed to stay. He would take his time with her and enjoy every minute that they had together.

A/N: Okay so Meredith will be staying in Seattle. I haven't figured out where this is going. Read and review give me some opinions.


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